This is what I want to say, but I feel like I need my daughter to be okay with me putting it out there publicly:
I am the parent of a child who, as of a few weeks ago, identified as transgender. This identification lasted for over 3 years, from the age of 12 to 15. The primary questions I was navigating were: why is she suddenly concerned with her gender when she’s never been gender non-conforming? Has she been hiding it all this time? Is she caught up in a social movement? Did she have some kind of trauma that we don’t know about? We were familiar with trans identified kids (friends and neighbors) but it just didn’t seem to fit for her; I felt 99% sure about this. But the question that was always in the back of my mind was: are my instincts wrong about this?
So, the answer to your question about whether I was able to find the information I needed: is Yes, and No.
No, I could not find information from doctors, therapists, schools, healthcare organizations, or the media that allowed for any alternative beyond no-questions-asked-affirmation. That just didn’t seem right to me: How do you get answers to the important questions without dialog? How can we come to an understanding before taking medical steps?
But, my answer is also Yes, because, by 2022, I found information online that offered an alternative viewpoint. I saw a chart about the skyrocketing number of teen girls questioning their gender, I found Lisa Littman’s work on ROGD kids, and I wound up on sites like 4th Wave Now and, most importantly, on the Podcast: Gender: A Wider Lens. It was the work of these two women, in particular, Sasha Ayad and Stella O’Malley, that helped me hold on to my instincts and to gently explore the topic of gender with my daughter when nobody else would.
Eventually, my daughter asked me if she could go to therapy to “solve this gender thing”. I really believe that something in her had already shifted by the time she asked, and that she was ready to do some work on her identity in a more holistic way. I found a therapist through an organization called Therapy First, whose member therapists agree to practice ethical therapy that neither aims to change someone’s gender identity, nor to blindly affirm it.
I can’t go into her reasons why she went down the gender road and then returned, but I can say that, in our case there were two main factors that brought her back to herself: one was simply time, and the other was us (her parents) maintaining a close, loving relationship with her, while also laying down firm boundaries– which was only possible because I had access to viewpoints on gender distress that are not currently ‘fashionable’, and which have been suppressed for years.
My daughter gave me her blessing to go public with this, and I left my message this morning! I hope they end up covering this topic in a balanced way. Fingers crossed!
Unable to use my name openly at this point in time (for my daughter's sake), I opted to send an email explaining our situation instead of leaving a voicemail. I hope they may consider using some of the information from those of us who cannot, at this time, stand publicly. I also hope that it won't be long before my daughter and I can stand side-by-side and fight this together!
I Think parents sharing that they have to stay anonymous because of what their child or community will do is also a powerful statement about how wrapped up in idealology this is.
Left my message: I am a parent of a trans id child. I went to the UPMC website for information it said to take my child to the gender clinic. I went there expecting to get referred for a psychologist for evaluation and instead got a script for lupron after 1-15 minute appointment. I was told it was completely safe and reversible. Even then the literature showed that Puberty blockers cause issues with fertility, bone density and brain development. I feel like I can't trust any medical professional to treat my daughter with proven medical treatments and not idealology.
This reminds me that when I brought up to my younger daughter’s psychologist (who was dealing with an eating disorder after she returned to in-person classes and had gained weight and a classmate said to her—we didn’t know until later—“you look like you swallowed a pumpkin!”) that the parent meeting might get derailed because our then 14 year-old daughter (the older sister), who had no previous history of *any* gender discomfort and in fact was very girly, had suddenly presented us with a two-page, scripted sounding, replete with footnotes for “support for parents” via links to GLAAD and HRC. The younger daughter’s psychologist said, “That’s great!” And said she *strongly encouraged* us to seek out a gender specialist and sent a list to me. When I looked over the bios of the twelve or so “gender specialists”, one said they were “kink-friendly”. I was, like, no, I am not doing what you, as an expert *strongly encourage* me to do. Ofc, she then *celebrated* my younger daughter when, after not really helping her much in therapy, my younger daughter hopped on the trans train due to the social contagion. I didn’t really catch on to the harm that could ensue quickly enough, but fired the psychologist last fall. Best thing we EVER did. My younger daughter is now doing so much better. I recommend the book, Bad Therapy, by Abigail Shrier, fyi.
There is more to my story, but alas I must run (kid duty!) but I did leave a vmail at NPR (my note is elsewhere in the comments) and I want to say, almost superstitiously, out and publicly that I also think (fingers-crossed) that my older daughter is also now beginning to come out of this trans ideology a bit now too. She is 16 now and my younger daughter is 13. They are both intelligent, quirky, fun, and kind but being a girl in society can be tricky during puberty and the teen girls, and I as a mom didn’t know about the temptations of the trans stuff before they had already gotten sucked into it.
I feel like a coward and a hypocrite since I've been waiting for NPR to do this forever. Yet, now that they are doing it, I cannot do my part and call them. I assume many other parents feel the same way.
Many of us are not at liberty to comment openly. Requesting to state our full name makes it an impossible task for many of us. I am also pretty sure my daughter would recognize my voice if NPR were to play the voice messages. How do we participate without jeopardizing our relationship with our children?
It has been very difficult to find non-biassed, non-judgemental , non-accusatory mental health care for my child. Our pediatrician was totally uncomfortable with our questions and referred us to his partner, who immediately offered hormone treatment. Seattle Children’s Hospital Gender Clinic does NOT provide mental health support, but rather offered hormone treatment within 15 minutes of our initial visit, with no assessment of mental health.
There seems to be a focus on medicalization as opposed to mental health care to determine the cause of my child's gender dysphoria. In the state of Washington, there really is no alternative to medialization. As a parent, I have been ridiculed and accused of abuse by my child’s care providers because I question providing unproven, possibly dangerous medical choices to my child.
I called and left this message: I have a gender non-conforming child. I am not able to find the information that I need because I find that too many therapists are overly eager to transition my child. I do not trust these therapists because I believe that they have ideological bias. I would like to find an unbiased therapist.
I also wrote an email instead of leaving a voicemail. Here is my submission.
Dear On Point,
As the parents of a high functioning autistic boy, we have been through two and a half years of gas lighting by therapists, doctors and the occasional teacher since he declared a female identity. He has always struggled to fit in. The neuropsychologist who diagnosed him sent us to the gender clinic affiliated with Children’s in DC. We resisted and were told by various other therapists that not going along with this would likely lead to him running away or committing suicide.
It was a struggle finding a therapist who shared our reservations but we ultimately succeeded. We struggle understanding our son’s thoughts and what guides his thinking. It is scary that hormones are so accessible and touted as helpful rather than most likely harmful.
Thank you for having the courage to talk about this on your show. I hesitate to put my name on this but will do so anyway. I choose to email rather than leave a voicemail as it seems less likely I will be “outed” to my son.
I just sent On Point an email explaining that many parents of gender distressed children are unable voice their concerns publicly, to give their name, or even for their voice to be heard on the radio for fear of damaging their relationship, most importantly, with their children, but also with other family members, friends and colleagues. I said that it would be helpful if they could I provide some way for these parents to express their concerns and tell their stories while maintaining total anonymity.
Left my message. We listen to NPR all the time, but not that show, so it felt safe for me. Also my name is not the same as my daughter's, so that helps a little. Totally understand that's not the case for everyone, especially for parents whose children listen to the news!
Just heard the advanced promo for today's On Point reference the Cass Review! So hopeful.
Here's what I sent yesterday:
"It's important for parents to be informed that the majority of gender questioning youth will grow up to be gay and medically healthy, if not subjected to hormones and surgery. The appropriate therapeutic approach is therapy first, to help kids accept themselves, their bodies, and their same-sex attractions as healthy and normal, and to help parents address sexism and homophobia. There's nothing new about trying to "fix" and "change" lesbian and gay people to make us appear straight. Parents need to find physicians and therapists who know something about gay history, gay developmental trajectories, and supporting self acceptance, and who have read the Cass Review. NPR needs to begin to cover this issue with integrity rather than simply repeating ideology that in the end proves sexist, homophobic, and harmful. "
I didn't dare leave a voicemail, because the outgoing message says the person leaving a message agrees to have it broadcast, so I sent an email instead. I'm excited to hear the story and hope it will be balanced.
This is what I want to say, but I feel like I need my daughter to be okay with me putting it out there publicly:
I am the parent of a child who, as of a few weeks ago, identified as transgender. This identification lasted for over 3 years, from the age of 12 to 15. The primary questions I was navigating were: why is she suddenly concerned with her gender when she’s never been gender non-conforming? Has she been hiding it all this time? Is she caught up in a social movement? Did she have some kind of trauma that we don’t know about? We were familiar with trans identified kids (friends and neighbors) but it just didn’t seem to fit for her; I felt 99% sure about this. But the question that was always in the back of my mind was: are my instincts wrong about this?
So, the answer to your question about whether I was able to find the information I needed: is Yes, and No.
No, I could not find information from doctors, therapists, schools, healthcare organizations, or the media that allowed for any alternative beyond no-questions-asked-affirmation. That just didn’t seem right to me: How do you get answers to the important questions without dialog? How can we come to an understanding before taking medical steps?
But, my answer is also Yes, because, by 2022, I found information online that offered an alternative viewpoint. I saw a chart about the skyrocketing number of teen girls questioning their gender, I found Lisa Littman’s work on ROGD kids, and I wound up on sites like 4th Wave Now and, most importantly, on the Podcast: Gender: A Wider Lens. It was the work of these two women, in particular, Sasha Ayad and Stella O’Malley, that helped me hold on to my instincts and to gently explore the topic of gender with my daughter when nobody else would.
Eventually, my daughter asked me if she could go to therapy to “solve this gender thing”. I really believe that something in her had already shifted by the time she asked, and that she was ready to do some work on her identity in a more holistic way. I found a therapist through an organization called Therapy First, whose member therapists agree to practice ethical therapy that neither aims to change someone’s gender identity, nor to blindly affirm it.
I can’t go into her reasons why she went down the gender road and then returned, but I can say that, in our case there were two main factors that brought her back to herself: one was simply time, and the other was us (her parents) maintaining a close, loving relationship with her, while also laying down firm boundaries– which was only possible because I had access to viewpoints on gender distress that are not currently ‘fashionable’, and which have been suppressed for years.
Oops. My first sentance should have said "I am the parent of a child who, *UNTIL* a few weeks ago, identified as transgender" Sorry for confusion.
My daughter gave me her blessing to go public with this, and I left my message this morning! I hope they end up covering this topic in a balanced way. Fingers crossed!
Unable to use my name openly at this point in time (for my daughter's sake), I opted to send an email explaining our situation instead of leaving a voicemail. I hope they may consider using some of the information from those of us who cannot, at this time, stand publicly. I also hope that it won't be long before my daughter and I can stand side-by-side and fight this together!
I Think parents sharing that they have to stay anonymous because of what their child or community will do is also a powerful statement about how wrapped up in idealology this is.
That's what I did too.
Left my message: I am a parent of a trans id child. I went to the UPMC website for information it said to take my child to the gender clinic. I went there expecting to get referred for a psychologist for evaluation and instead got a script for lupron after 1-15 minute appointment. I was told it was completely safe and reversible. Even then the literature showed that Puberty blockers cause issues with fertility, bone density and brain development. I feel like I can't trust any medical professional to treat my daughter with proven medical treatments and not idealology.
This reminds me that when I brought up to my younger daughter’s psychologist (who was dealing with an eating disorder after she returned to in-person classes and had gained weight and a classmate said to her—we didn’t know until later—“you look like you swallowed a pumpkin!”) that the parent meeting might get derailed because our then 14 year-old daughter (the older sister), who had no previous history of *any* gender discomfort and in fact was very girly, had suddenly presented us with a two-page, scripted sounding, replete with footnotes for “support for parents” via links to GLAAD and HRC. The younger daughter’s psychologist said, “That’s great!” And said she *strongly encouraged* us to seek out a gender specialist and sent a list to me. When I looked over the bios of the twelve or so “gender specialists”, one said they were “kink-friendly”. I was, like, no, I am not doing what you, as an expert *strongly encourage* me to do. Ofc, she then *celebrated* my younger daughter when, after not really helping her much in therapy, my younger daughter hopped on the trans train due to the social contagion. I didn’t really catch on to the harm that could ensue quickly enough, but fired the psychologist last fall. Best thing we EVER did. My younger daughter is now doing so much better. I recommend the book, Bad Therapy, by Abigail Shrier, fyi.
There is more to my story, but alas I must run (kid duty!) but I did leave a vmail at NPR (my note is elsewhere in the comments) and I want to say, almost superstitiously, out and publicly that I also think (fingers-crossed) that my older daughter is also now beginning to come out of this trans ideology a bit now too. She is 16 now and my younger daughter is 13. They are both intelligent, quirky, fun, and kind but being a girl in society can be tricky during puberty and the teen girls, and I as a mom didn’t know about the temptations of the trans stuff before they had already gotten sucked into it.
Thanks for the recommendation. I read Bad Therapy and it is great!
I feel like a coward and a hypocrite since I've been waiting for NPR to do this forever. Yet, now that they are doing it, I cannot do my part and call them. I assume many other parents feel the same way.
Many of us are not at liberty to comment openly. Requesting to state our full name makes it an impossible task for many of us. I am also pretty sure my daughter would recognize my voice if NPR were to play the voice messages. How do we participate without jeopardizing our relationship with our children?
I sent them an email with my story from an account that is not identifiable. Perhaps you could do that?
I'm in this bind as well
I submitted the following statement:
I am the parent of a transidentified child.
It has been very difficult to find non-biassed, non-judgemental , non-accusatory mental health care for my child. Our pediatrician was totally uncomfortable with our questions and referred us to his partner, who immediately offered hormone treatment. Seattle Children’s Hospital Gender Clinic does NOT provide mental health support, but rather offered hormone treatment within 15 minutes of our initial visit, with no assessment of mental health.
There seems to be a focus on medicalization as opposed to mental health care to determine the cause of my child's gender dysphoria. In the state of Washington, there really is no alternative to medialization. As a parent, I have been ridiculed and accused of abuse by my child’s care providers because I question providing unproven, possibly dangerous medical choices to my child.
I called and left this message: I have a gender non-conforming child. I am not able to find the information that I need because I find that too many therapists are overly eager to transition my child. I do not trust these therapists because I believe that they have ideological bias. I would like to find an unbiased therapist.
I also wrote an email instead of leaving a voicemail. Here is my submission.
Dear On Point,
As the parents of a high functioning autistic boy, we have been through two and a half years of gas lighting by therapists, doctors and the occasional teacher since he declared a female identity. He has always struggled to fit in. The neuropsychologist who diagnosed him sent us to the gender clinic affiliated with Children’s in DC. We resisted and were told by various other therapists that not going along with this would likely lead to him running away or committing suicide.
It was a struggle finding a therapist who shared our reservations but we ultimately succeeded. We struggle understanding our son’s thoughts and what guides his thinking. It is scary that hormones are so accessible and touted as helpful rather than most likely harmful.
Thank you for having the courage to talk about this on your show. I hesitate to put my name on this but will do so anyway. I choose to email rather than leave a voicemail as it seems less likely I will be “outed” to my son.
Sincerely,
My name
Done
I just sent On Point an email explaining that many parents of gender distressed children are unable voice their concerns publicly, to give their name, or even for their voice to be heard on the radio for fear of damaging their relationship, most importantly, with their children, but also with other family members, friends and colleagues. I said that it would be helpful if they could I provide some way for these parents to express their concerns and tell their stories while maintaining total anonymity.
Left my message. We listen to NPR all the time, but not that show, so it felt safe for me. Also my name is not the same as my daughter's, so that helps a little. Totally understand that's not the case for everyone, especially for parents whose children listen to the news!
Voicemail
Meghna Chakrabarti: Meghna
Just heard the advanced promo for today's On Point reference the Cass Review! So hopeful.
Here's what I sent yesterday:
"It's important for parents to be informed that the majority of gender questioning youth will grow up to be gay and medically healthy, if not subjected to hormones and surgery. The appropriate therapeutic approach is therapy first, to help kids accept themselves, their bodies, and their same-sex attractions as healthy and normal, and to help parents address sexism and homophobia. There's nothing new about trying to "fix" and "change" lesbian and gay people to make us appear straight. Parents need to find physicians and therapists who know something about gay history, gay developmental trajectories, and supporting self acceptance, and who have read the Cass Review. NPR needs to begin to cover this issue with integrity rather than simply repeating ideology that in the end proves sexist, homophobic, and harmful. "
I didn't dare leave a voicemail, because the outgoing message says the person leaving a message agrees to have it broadcast, so I sent an email instead. I'm excited to hear the story and hope it will be balanced.
I sent an email. It is worth a try. Maybe if enough come in it will give them pause for thought.
I was able to complete this action alert.