People are more tolerant if you don't force them to accept lies

Activists push the boundaries of truth to their own detriment

As a participant in the gender debate over the past several years, something that has stuck out to me is the desire for truth and the palatable relief when it is admitted. Simply put, people like it when trans people are honest about their biological sex instead of claiming to be the opposite sex in a literal sense.

More and more people are starting to think that the transgender movement has gone too far. But what do they mean by that? By and large, most people wouldn’t say it has gone too far in securing actual rights like housing, education, and employment. Yes, there are actual bigots out there who want to push people who don’t fit the norm to the margins but, for the most part, people like to think they have a “live and let live” attitude. This attitude is tested, however, when activists push them to accept lies.

This is why I prefer to frame the problem in terms of gender ideology which, if I had to define succinctly, I would say is the idea that biological sex either isn’t real or that male and female sex differences don’t actually matter.

The problem is that these are lies, and these lies have led to what people view as the excesses of the trans movement, namely violent male rapists in women’s prisons, men in women’s sports, and the transitioning of children.

Many people describe their “peak trans” moment (the moment they simply had enough of gender ideology) as a time when they were forced to accept an obvious lie. Some common examples include asking us to believe that a man’s human rights had been violated because female estheticians would not perform services offered for women on his male genitals or that it was fair for “Lia” Thomas to compete in swimming against women and win while barely kicking.

The flip side of this is how relieved people are when they see a trans-identified person who acknowledges their sex and doesn’t ask others to lie. I am lucky enough to know many such people, including my good friend Lois Cardinal. No, I am not trying to say such people receive universal acceptance and praise, but many, myself included, who would be considered “TERFs” or “transphobic” have no personal issues with them. It is refreshing to see people who don’t want or need everyone else to lie, and it makes it feel like dialogue is possible.

Does this mean we always see eye-to-eye? Of course not. I am also not naïve enough to believe truth and honesty will solve all of the problems of the gender wars. For example, some trans-identified men might admit that they are biologically male but still believe they should use women’s spaces because they pass. Obviously, this does not go over well with many gender critical factions. Problems and arguments remain.

But this is the way the world goes. People are going to butt heads over issues in all areas of life, and we are going to have to debate those issues and come up with rules and boundaries around them. But we can’t even have the discussion if we don’t start from a place of truth.

When gender ideology demands that people accept lies, it becomes authoritarian, and people don’t like to be controlled. Many are happy to get on board with the idea that some individuals prefer to look like the opposite sex and consider it no business of theirs. People generally want to worry about their own lives. But it becomes their business when they are asked to take part in a lie, and people will act when push comes to shove, especially when it involves children.

It heartens me that despite the fair share of these little authoritarians out there, not everyone is willing to paint all trans people with the same brush. Maybe I am naïve and a bit too much of an optimist, but even some of the staunchest gender ideology critics I know are willing to see trans people as individuals as long as they are not being asked to lie or to accept a lie.

There is a backlash brewing because of all the lies that have been pushed up to this point, and the only way to stop it from crashing back way too far in the opposite direction is to have a message grounded in truth and reality.

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