I'm so proud of you and your companions, and I sincerely believe that lobbying to the influential - doctors, the media, charities - will be the way to fight this. If this nightmare has shown me anything, it's that people are surface thinkers and they are tribal. They will trust what people on their "team" tell them. Thanks for reminding us all that the fight against evil is perpetual and that we should not abandon this fight once our own personal goals are met.
I am so glad that you and the other three were able to have all these conversations and introduce many endocrinologists to what is happening to gay kids. Bravo!
I do want to take issue with these statements: “The conservatives will abandon the cause as soon as heterosexual kids are no longer prey, many of whom were the first to salivate at the thought of “fixing” their sinful progeny. The feminists will wash their hands of it and celebrate their victories in sports and women’s space”
Many Christians, myself included, are horrified at what is happening to kids—all kids—and are fighting this cause because we believe in it is evil and harmful. I have never met a Christian who was salivating about using gender ideology to turn gay kids “straight.” I say the same of my feminist friends.
Gay people have been denigrated for being gay, and that’s wrong, but let’s not make the mistake of demonizing other groups. Conservatives and feminists are individuals, and many are very decent and caring people.
I grew up lower middle class, conservative and Christian. I appreciate your point, and understand Lauren's. "The church" has hurt many of us and is at the root of why many of us medicalized. However, my faith and small-town values still serve me well and I'm grateful whenever I encounter welcoming Christians.
A thoughtful response. Independent Women's Forum -- conservative, seems Christian -- and Women's Liberation Front -- radical feminist, largely lesbian -- are working together very effectively to combat gender extremism. Whatever their differences on other issues, they all care about vulnerable youth (whether straight or gay) being exploited by gender ideology, and about protecting single-sex spaces for all females.
Christians are not a monolith any more than gay people are. However, we're both saddled by being associated in the public's mind with individuals and ideologies that give us a bad name among reasonable people.
For example, gays would be better off socially and politically if "queer" hadn't morphed from being a homophobic insult to a label for a radical set of ideas that deny the phenomenon of fixed sexual orientation and a hegemonic term that erases gay people.
The world will be a much better place for gay people when the Catholic Church stops slandering us with this toxic doctrine:
CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SECOND EDITION
2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
Thank you for your comment, Ollie. I agree that both gay people and religious people suffer from being seen as hateful or dangerous based on negative stereotypes. But, as you say, neither group is a monolith. In fact, there is no such thing as a monolithic group, at least once the group has reached a certain size. This goes for Catholics as well. My brother is gay; he is also a devout, practicing Catholic. Meanwhile I’m a Protestant who does not view homosexuality as the terrible sin that the Church has traditionally said it is, nor do most of my Christian friends. I am sad that many gay people have had such bad experiences with Christianity, but I do think that this is starting to change.
Here's the Catholic church's full position on sexuality. They've got rather stringent requirements for opposite sex relationships too. Please note that this is a description of ideals. It's well understood that most humans fall short of the ideal, in a variety of ways.
In fairness, this is what they say about adultery:
2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.
Note that the Catholic Church doesn't condemn same-sex desire, they just believe it shouldn't be acted upon. Adultery shouldn't even be desired.
Eliza is more positive than my comment above. But basically we are all saying the same thing. Do you think it's possible that more people might have come with you if they'd known about the event?
Thank you! They should have invited one of you inside, or others, to explain to them what is happening, especially as they are redoing their guidelines right now (led by someone who is very pro-medicalization and has extreme conflicts of interest, unlike Cass for the Cass Review).
thank you for your courage. Thank you for standing and telling the truth. As the bisexual mother of a trans identified daughter, I am trapped into silence out of fear my daughter will see any protest or truth telling by me as transphobia and a rejection or betrayal of her. My daughter is deep into the trans cult, the only thing I can do now is try not to become estranged. It is all so unbearably sad and I'm just trying to get through each day. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for standing and telling the truth.
I’m in the same boat. My teen is coming up on turning 18. The best thing I can do right now is keep our great connection and communication going. I can refuse to sign off on hormones, but with waiting lists all it would do is delay hormones for a few months. And to everyone’s consternation, including the very pro-transition people involved, my teen keeps talking about black market hormones if the legal path is denied.
I’m trying to come up with the best way of introducing my teen to considering the possibility that they are just gay.
Sometimes talking about other people, history or going to see films, can be an easier way to introduce topics. Sometimes other people's stories can lead to you talking about yourself and how hard things were for you - how confusing it was - ideally not when at your teen's age now but when five years or so older so it isn't obvious what you're doing. Could you talk about sexual desire as love/attraction/crushes and as if it is separate - which it is - and as vague feelings.
Of course it may not have been at all confusing in which case you could talk about feeling trapped by everything seeming obvious and how lucky they might be to be have different options..... anything positive to get them to talk? You can say you're uncertain around the edges - like that black market drugs may not be what it says on the packet and people may not know until things go wrong... Are you reading Elizabeth Mondegreen's substack? She has a lot on trans kids reddits which might give you an idea what's going on in their head.
Could you ask her about what she's encountering on adjacent topics? Maybe talk about anorexia if that was important in your girlhood? It was in mine - I was surrounded by older teenagers with anorexia and after fasting once stopped dieting altogether because the ease of stopping eating (rightly) felt so threatening. And so on?
Bottom line - most people are not thinking about this at all. They are kneejerk agreeing to harmful medical interventions on healthy bodies with zero justification for same. That's why it's so important to keep up the good work you are doing. That there were only 4 of you is a sign that we still have much work to do.
If the next one is in NY, and if you would consider the company of a straight woman - who would desperately love to save her daughter and many thousands more like her from unnecessary medicalization - I will gladly stand at your side, signs ablaze.
Powerful piece, hope it is read widely. Our movement needs more and more women having your courage to stand up and speak out. This insanity will not end until we take to the streets in numbers, along with the other forms of activism. There are so many women here in Ma. who feel like you do but few yet with the courage to speak out. We may lose some things when we do, but gain the great sense of standing up, and bringing to an end, the harms of the nonsensical "gender identity" ideology.
You did a great thing! If you organize a group to go to the association meeting for therapists I will join you with signs. if you advertise it in advance through Do no Harm, Our Duty,, Genspect and PITT you will get hundreds of people to join you. One year ago my 6year old granddaughter returned from her therapist’s office announcing her new name A few days later my daughter texted me the news that my granddaughter was transitioning to a boy and I needed to start using the new name and pronouns When I tried to ask questions about why this was happening my daughter cut me off and I have not been allowed to see my three grandchildren since . My daughter says I will not be allowed to see my grandchildren until I not only affirm but also become an Ally. If your organization could include Allys many of us affected by this cult would become Allys and help you . The trans movement recruits Allys to push their agenda You could do the same thing
So sorry this has affected your family; the idea of a 6-year-old girl "transitioning" is mind-bendingly awful. Best wishes as you continue to navigate your personal situation, and good for you in joining the resistance. Trans activists would never have gotten as far as they have had they not recruited legions of well-meaning "woke" progressives who want to be seen as kind and inclusive. My exchanges with such people -- longtime friends whose intelligence I assumed -- suggest they've done little to educate themselves on gender ideology and the real harms it perpetrates. They are strikingly uninformed.
I appreciate the power of this piece and your courage in being politically active on this hugely important issue. Thank you! Unfortunately, as in my generation before yours and each before mine, many gay people lack the courage you model. Some feel no responsibility to the larger community, just to themselves. They'll talk to each other about gender extremism online and in other safe spaces, but that's as far as it goes.
I saw this time and again as co-founder of (gay) Pride in my city in 1991. And I see it now, when gay activists are needed to excise LGB from that repugnant alphabet acronym and distinguish ourselves not as allies but opponents of radical trans activism. I hope more people of your generation and younger step up. I was heartened this week to meet two men -- one in perhaps his early 50s, the other, perhaps late 20s -- volunteering with Gays Against Groomers (GAG, my favorite acronym). The older was involved in dismantling both "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and DOMA. Important work!
Other encouragements: Feminist groups such as Women's Liberation Front (majority lesbian) are heavily involved in protecting children from trans socialization and "gender-affirming care," and in legal challenges to Biden's gutting of Title IX, male inmates being placed in female prisons and other trans extremism. Likewise, the conservative (presumably mostly straight) Independent Women's Forum. Both are in this fight for the long haul. People too fearful to personally speak out can still meaningfully help by giving money to such worthwhile groups.
You are a strong and powerful force in this fight and you’re saving kids much like yourself. Such a great article and thank you for sharing your experience!
I'm so proud of you and your companions, and I sincerely believe that lobbying to the influential - doctors, the media, charities - will be the way to fight this. If this nightmare has shown me anything, it's that people are surface thinkers and they are tribal. They will trust what people on their "team" tell them. Thanks for reminding us all that the fight against evil is perpetual and that we should not abandon this fight once our own personal goals are met.
I am so glad that you and the other three were able to have all these conversations and introduce many endocrinologists to what is happening to gay kids. Bravo!
I do want to take issue with these statements: “The conservatives will abandon the cause as soon as heterosexual kids are no longer prey, many of whom were the first to salivate at the thought of “fixing” their sinful progeny. The feminists will wash their hands of it and celebrate their victories in sports and women’s space”
Many Christians, myself included, are horrified at what is happening to kids—all kids—and are fighting this cause because we believe in it is evil and harmful. I have never met a Christian who was salivating about using gender ideology to turn gay kids “straight.” I say the same of my feminist friends.
Gay people have been denigrated for being gay, and that’s wrong, but let’s not make the mistake of demonizing other groups. Conservatives and feminists are individuals, and many are very decent and caring people.
I grew up lower middle class, conservative and Christian. I appreciate your point, and understand Lauren's. "The church" has hurt many of us and is at the root of why many of us medicalized. However, my faith and small-town values still serve me well and I'm grateful whenever I encounter welcoming Christians.
Beautifully said, Aaron.
A thoughtful response. Independent Women's Forum -- conservative, seems Christian -- and Women's Liberation Front -- radical feminist, largely lesbian -- are working together very effectively to combat gender extremism. Whatever their differences on other issues, they all care about vulnerable youth (whether straight or gay) being exploited by gender ideology, and about protecting single-sex spaces for all females.
Christians are not a monolith any more than gay people are. However, we're both saddled by being associated in the public's mind with individuals and ideologies that give us a bad name among reasonable people.
For example, gays would be better off socially and politically if "queer" hadn't morphed from being a homophobic insult to a label for a radical set of ideas that deny the phenomenon of fixed sexual orientation and a hegemonic term that erases gay people.
The world will be a much better place for gay people when the Catholic Church stops slandering us with this toxic doctrine:
CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SECOND EDITION
2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2357.htm
Thank you for your comment, Ollie. I agree that both gay people and religious people suffer from being seen as hateful or dangerous based on negative stereotypes. But, as you say, neither group is a monolith. In fact, there is no such thing as a monolithic group, at least once the group has reached a certain size. This goes for Catholics as well. My brother is gay; he is also a devout, practicing Catholic. Meanwhile I’m a Protestant who does not view homosexuality as the terrible sin that the Church has traditionally said it is, nor do most of my Christian friends. I am sad that many gay people have had such bad experiences with Christianity, but I do think that this is starting to change.
Here's the Catholic church's full position on sexuality. They've got rather stringent requirements for opposite sex relationships too. Please note that this is a description of ideals. It's well understood that most humans fall short of the ideal, in a variety of ways.
http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm
Former Catholic here, sounds on par with their prohibition on contraception because that's not "open to life".
Completely arbitrary, entirely made up by humans, thoroughly ignorable.
I wish I had. They call it a "surprise baby". 🚼👶🤱
In fairness, this is what they say about adultery:
2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.
Note that the Catholic Church doesn't condemn same-sex desire, they just believe it shouldn't be acted upon. Adultery shouldn't even be desired.
I am not going to engage with the Catholic Church's position on sexuality or with you.
Okay. That's a clear boundary and I respect it.
Eliza is more positive than my comment above. But basically we are all saying the same thing. Do you think it's possible that more people might have come with you if they'd known about the event?
This very old lesbian sends you deep gratitude for all you do and all you are.💕
Thank you! They should have invited one of you inside, or others, to explain to them what is happening, especially as they are redoing their guidelines right now (led by someone who is very pro-medicalization and has extreme conflicts of interest, unlike Cass for the Cass Review).
I didn't know this conference was in Boston! I would have been right there with you. A lot of us would have been right there with you!
thank you for your courage. Thank you for standing and telling the truth. As the bisexual mother of a trans identified daughter, I am trapped into silence out of fear my daughter will see any protest or truth telling by me as transphobia and a rejection or betrayal of her. My daughter is deep into the trans cult, the only thing I can do now is try not to become estranged. It is all so unbearably sad and I'm just trying to get through each day. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for standing and telling the truth.
I’m in the same boat. My teen is coming up on turning 18. The best thing I can do right now is keep our great connection and communication going. I can refuse to sign off on hormones, but with waiting lists all it would do is delay hormones for a few months. And to everyone’s consternation, including the very pro-transition people involved, my teen keeps talking about black market hormones if the legal path is denied.
I’m trying to come up with the best way of introducing my teen to considering the possibility that they are just gay.
Sometimes talking about other people, history or going to see films, can be an easier way to introduce topics. Sometimes other people's stories can lead to you talking about yourself and how hard things were for you - how confusing it was - ideally not when at your teen's age now but when five years or so older so it isn't obvious what you're doing. Could you talk about sexual desire as love/attraction/crushes and as if it is separate - which it is - and as vague feelings.
Of course it may not have been at all confusing in which case you could talk about feeling trapped by everything seeming obvious and how lucky they might be to be have different options..... anything positive to get them to talk? You can say you're uncertain around the edges - like that black market drugs may not be what it says on the packet and people may not know until things go wrong... Are you reading Elizabeth Mondegreen's substack? She has a lot on trans kids reddits which might give you an idea what's going on in their head.
Have not heard of Mondegreen.
I expect you already know of this if you're on this substack but Stella O'Malley and her co-psychologist are trying to provide advice for parents.
http://www.stellaomalley.com/podcasts
Could you ask her about what she's encountering on adjacent topics? Maybe talk about anorexia if that was important in your girlhood? It was in mine - I was surrounded by older teenagers with anorexia and after fasting once stopped dieting altogether because the ease of stopping eating (rightly) felt so threatening. And so on?
Bottom line - most people are not thinking about this at all. They are kneejerk agreeing to harmful medical interventions on healthy bodies with zero justification for same. That's why it's so important to keep up the good work you are doing. That there were only 4 of you is a sign that we still have much work to do.
If the next one is in NY, and if you would consider the company of a straight woman - who would desperately love to save her daughter and many thousands more like her from unnecessary medicalization - I will gladly stand at your side, signs ablaze.
This very old lesbian will, too.
Well done. Well done, my friend. With you 100%.
Thank you for your powerful and articulate post, so very grateful to you for your advocacy!!
Excellent! Thank you so much for this much needed article!!!
"Courage coalition" indeed. I hope to cover a future action
I stand with you.
Powerful piece, hope it is read widely. Our movement needs more and more women having your courage to stand up and speak out. This insanity will not end until we take to the streets in numbers, along with the other forms of activism. There are so many women here in Ma. who feel like you do but few yet with the courage to speak out. We may lose some things when we do, but gain the great sense of standing up, and bringing to an end, the harms of the nonsensical "gender identity" ideology.
You did a great thing! If you organize a group to go to the association meeting for therapists I will join you with signs. if you advertise it in advance through Do no Harm, Our Duty,, Genspect and PITT you will get hundreds of people to join you. One year ago my 6year old granddaughter returned from her therapist’s office announcing her new name A few days later my daughter texted me the news that my granddaughter was transitioning to a boy and I needed to start using the new name and pronouns When I tried to ask questions about why this was happening my daughter cut me off and I have not been allowed to see my three grandchildren since . My daughter says I will not be allowed to see my grandchildren until I not only affirm but also become an Ally. If your organization could include Allys many of us affected by this cult would become Allys and help you . The trans movement recruits Allys to push their agenda You could do the same thing
So sorry this has affected your family; the idea of a 6-year-old girl "transitioning" is mind-bendingly awful. Best wishes as you continue to navigate your personal situation, and good for you in joining the resistance. Trans activists would never have gotten as far as they have had they not recruited legions of well-meaning "woke" progressives who want to be seen as kind and inclusive. My exchanges with such people -- longtime friends whose intelligence I assumed -- suggest they've done little to educate themselves on gender ideology and the real harms it perpetrates. They are strikingly uninformed.
I appreciate the power of this piece and your courage in being politically active on this hugely important issue. Thank you! Unfortunately, as in my generation before yours and each before mine, many gay people lack the courage you model. Some feel no responsibility to the larger community, just to themselves. They'll talk to each other about gender extremism online and in other safe spaces, but that's as far as it goes.
I saw this time and again as co-founder of (gay) Pride in my city in 1991. And I see it now, when gay activists are needed to excise LGB from that repugnant alphabet acronym and distinguish ourselves not as allies but opponents of radical trans activism. I hope more people of your generation and younger step up. I was heartened this week to meet two men -- one in perhaps his early 50s, the other, perhaps late 20s -- volunteering with Gays Against Groomers (GAG, my favorite acronym). The older was involved in dismantling both "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and DOMA. Important work!
Other encouragements: Feminist groups such as Women's Liberation Front (majority lesbian) are heavily involved in protecting children from trans socialization and "gender-affirming care," and in legal challenges to Biden's gutting of Title IX, male inmates being placed in female prisons and other trans extremism. Likewise, the conservative (presumably mostly straight) Independent Women's Forum. Both are in this fight for the long haul. People too fearful to personally speak out can still meaningfully help by giving money to such worthwhile groups.
You are a strong and powerful force in this fight and you’re saving kids much like yourself. Such a great article and thank you for sharing your experience!